When a loved one dies, we are sad. Whether a sudden death from a stroke, heart attack, aneurysm, car accident, or from a lingering illness, there is sadness. And there is a grieving process: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. FINALLY, there will be Acceptance. Because, when a loved one dies from one of these things, whether sudden or drawn-out, there is a REASON! A reason we can point to and say "This is why my brother died" or "This is why my uncle died". Those of us left alive will know the reason the other was taken.
However in the case of suicide, most times there are no answers to the why questions. I personally have found the Denial stage passes rather quickly, or goes right into Disbelief. The Anger comes quickly upon it's heels.
It's been almost 3 years since my brother left us in this manner. And yes, I'm still angry. I'm angry because he gave up; he took "the easy way", for him. And no, I don't know what his relationship with the Lord truly was. He told me what he knew I wanted to hear. I mourn the loss of what I never had: An adult relationship with my only brother.
And now, this past Sunday, another much-loved brother, uncle, brother-in-law, friend, did the same. His family is in tatters. And again I'm angry for them, while my heart goes out to the victim and the pain he must have been in and tried for so long to hide.
They will never know why. And that is one of the catches about the Acceptance part of the grief process, I think. You not only have to accept they are gone, you have to ACCEPT you will Never, EVER, truly know WHY. And that's the hardest part.
May His Blessings be New Every Morning,
Amy February 17, 2010